Gouge out their eyes with Crayolas

I’d love to see an online video game based on this charming survey. In the survey, these rules are arbitrary, but in first-person, uh, puncher video game, you could really take on a kindergarten class in a bloody cage match.

“This short survey will tell you approximately how many five year old children you could fight at once. Results are based on physical prowess, training, swarm-combatting experience, and the flexibility of your moral compass. Here are the ground rules:

* You are in an enclosed area roughly the size of a basketball court
* There are no weapons or foreign objects
* Everyone is wearing a cup (so no kicks to the groin)
* The children are merciless and will show no fear
* If a child is knocked unconscious, he is “out.” The same goes for you.”

You’re curious, right? ‘Cause 5-year-olds are fuckers. Click here to find out How Many 5-Year-Olds You Could Take in a Fight

My number was 18.

Fw: Fw: Flag eagle + cross = a Christian nation?

How should I feel about the image below?

Or the text that accompanies it?

“Prayer Wheel for our soldiers…please don’t break it. Please send this on after a short prayer. When you receive this, please stop for a moment and say a prayer for our troops around the world… Of all the gifts you could give a US Soldier, Sailor, Airman, Marine & others deployed in harm’s way, prayer is the very best one.” [abridged]

First of all, I hate chain e-mails, especially the ones that attempt to guilt/frighten you into passing them along by saying, “If you don’t forward this e-mail, you’re not a very good friend, you hate Jesus, and you will have seven years of bad luck.” So when I receive an e-mail with the subject line of “Fw: PLEASE DO NOT DELETE,” my bullshit alarm is immediately triggered.

And obviously the image of a flag/eagle clinging to a cross flies in the face (ha ha, so punny) of everything I like about the establishment clause. But most irksome is the sentence “Of all the gifts you could give a U.S. soldier, sailor, airman, Marine and others deployed in harm’s way, prayer is the very best one.” Really? So if you truly want to make an impact on the war, be sure to spend about 30 seconds praying about it and another 15 seconds forwarding this e-mail. There. Your duty as an American is complete. You’ve done absolutely all you can, right? Leave it in the hands of the Big Guy and he’ll deal with it.

And I would think that there’d at least be a dozen other things—especially at Christmas—that the average soldier would name as “the very best” gift before prayer. How about a phone card or a used cell phone to call someone he loves back home? How about a great book to take her mind off the risks she faces in the field every day? How about a card or a letter expressing support and wishing for a safe, speedy return? How about a donation to the USO?

Please don’t believe that prayer on any topic removes your personal responsibility to affect change. If prayer, as an act of meditation, helps calm your mind or focus your thoughts, great. But it doesn’t help anyone else. Activism does.

If you’d like to do some that might actually help U.S. troops, visit the sites below or Google “help troops.”

Cell Phones for Soldiers

Operation Paperback

USO

Any Soldier (letters and care packages)

more bill

Bill Callahan

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NvX9tV4jSQo

you know you want it

http://dallas.craigslist.org/car/504658414.html

http://dallas.craigslist.org/fur/504646791.html

http://dallas.craigslist.org/jwl/464477251.html

copycats

two commercials. one song.

old imac commercial

new sony commercial

And…

http://www.edheads.org/activities/knee/index.htm

And…

http://www.lhsc.on.ca/transplant/surgeon/intro.htm

You too can perform thoracic surgery!

http://www.abc.net.au/rollercoaster/games/games/s1307616.htm

Oh yeah…

Another show I like that I didn’t expect to like is Big Love. My wife rented it. I watched it with her. I didn’t really get it at first. About 3 or 4 episodes in I was like an old lady watching her stories. I couldn’t wait until the next disc came in the mail.

Elijah